Eating disorders

Some tips to try

Short pieces from the library, and a first thing to try from each.

• When Mealtimes Are About Control. A child’s relationship with food is almost always about control.
  • You decide what, when and where. She decides whether to eat and how much.
  • If restriction has been creeping rather than holding steady, ring the GP.
  theparentbook.com/quick-tips/the-plate-as-the-last-place

The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

Something to do together

One meal without phones, yours first. One regular meal where every phone in the house, starting with yours, stays in another room.

What it is for. A child learns what a phone is for by watching what the adults use theirs for. If every phone goes into another room at one meal, it becomes something the family does, and you do not have to police it.

• The first step. Pick the meal you can keep most often: supper for some families, Saturday lunch for others.
• Say it once, as something the family does: “At supper the phones live in the hall, mine too.” There is no need to police it; your phone in the hall is the reminder.

When to get help. If something said at the table suggests that someone is frightening or hurting her, online or off, stay calm, thank her for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If she has stopped seeing friends in person, her sleep has collapsed, or her mood drops hard whenever the phone is away, talk to your GP or her school’s pastoral lead. If she is avoiding family meals, eating less and less, or hiding food, do not wait: ask your GP for an early appointment.

The other three steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

If you want to read further

• Eating and Control. For parents whose family mealtimes have become about much more than food. theparentbook.com/reader/eating-and-control
• Body Image. For parents who want their child to grow up comfortable in their own body. theparentbook.com/reader/body-image-and-the-conversations-we-do-not-realise-we-are-having

Worth your time

• A book for you: Anorexia and Other Eating Disorders, Eva Musby. Written by a parent who supported her daughter through anorexia, this detailed guide to family-based treatment covers mealtime support, what to say when a child refuses food, and how parents keep going.
• A book to read together: The Eating Disorder Recovery Journal, Cara Lisette. A creative journal with CBT and mindfulness activities for someone in recovery, written by a mental health nurse with lived experience of an eating disorder. Best used alongside a treatment team. uk.bookshop.org/p/books/the-eating-disorder-recovery-journal-creative-activities-to-keep-yourself-well-cara-lisette/892e8f890273d95c
• Something to watch: Eating disorders can affect anyone, Beat, YouTube. Beat’s short film challenging the stereotype of who gets an eating disorder, a reminder that boys, younger children and people at any weight can be affected. www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRdKBLbb-bk
• Something to listen to: 001 - Where to Start: Recognizing and Responding to Your Child’s Eating Disorder, The Other Side Of The Plate, 58 min. F.E.A.S.T.’s opening episode for parents: recognising that a child may have an eating disorder, responding in the first days and weeks, and understanding the central role families play in treatment. podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/001-where-to-start-recognizing-and-responding-to-your/id1843095623?i=1000729320680

Who else can help

This one is medical, and early treatment matters more than in almost anything else in this library. See the GP this week and ask for a physical check and an eating disorder referral.

• Your GP. The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent. Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly. www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp
• NHS 111, and Lifeline in Northern Ireland. The mental health crisis line for your area. Free, confidential and answered twenty-four hours a day, every day of the year. When you or your child is in mental health crisis and it will not wait for a GP appointment. England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health optionNorthern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000

• Beat (the UK’s eating disorder charity). The UK’s eating disorder charity. A free helpline, webchat and email, and, for parents specifically, a free twelve-week one-to-one support programme and an online learning hub for families. As soon as eating has become a worry, and alongside the GP, not instead. You do not need a diagnosis to call. BEAT Helplines England 0808 801 0677, Scotland 0808 801 0432, Wales 0808 801 0433, Northern Ireland 0808 801 0434 · Mon-Fri 3pm-8pm · One-to-one webchat and email (help@, Scotlandhelp@, Waleshelp@ or NIhelp@beateatingdisorders.org.uk) at the same hours · Outside those hours the line is closed. If your child is physically unwell, use the urgent routes on this page, which are open when this line is not. www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else
• NHS: eating disorders, advice for parents. The NHS’s own page for parents: how to raise it with your child, what to do at mealtimes, and how to look after yourself while you do. The first thing to read, before the GP appointment. www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/eating-disorders/advice-for-parents
• Charlie Waller Trust. A free course of five online workshops for parents and carers of a young person with an eating disorder, teaching the Maudsley carer-skills approach: what to say, how to respond to difficult behaviour, how to plan for setbacks. Once treatment is underway and you want to be part of it rather than watching it. Dates are on the page. charliewaller.org/what-we-offer/eating-disorder-workshops-for-parents-and-carers

The full list for eating disorders, with what each organisation does and when it is the right call, is at theparentbook.com/help/eating-disorders/services