Worry time, not at bedtime

The activity

Ten minutes at the same time each afternoon for her worries. If one comes up at another time, you listen, write it down and save it for then.

What it is for. A worry that can turn up at any time tends to turn up at the worst one. A short daytime slot at a set time gives her worries a place and her some say over them, and stops every evening becoming a reassurance session that the worry outlasts.

• The first step. Choose a time you can keep most days, in daylight hours and well away from bedtime. Tell her what it is for: “It’s all right to have worries. They get their own time, every day, and I’ll be there for it.”

Safety. Never promise that a worry will be kept secret. If what she brings is about her safety or someone else’s, it is heard and acted on that day.

When to get help. This is practice, not a treatment. If worry is stopping her going to school, sleeping or eating, or keeps her awake on most nights for more than a few weeks, talk to your GP, who can refer on to the right service. If she tells you that someone is hurting her, that she is hurting herself, or that she does not want to be alive, stay calm, thank her for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page.

The other five steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

It goes with

• When Reassurance Stops Working. For parents whose child is anxious and can’t be talked out of it, however often the adults around her try.
• Anxiety, by Age. For parents whose child’s worry has started to make decisions for her, with what helps at each age and when to ask for help.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Anxiety. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Sleep. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.