Where a feeling sits

The activity

On a plain outline of a body, she marks where she first notices anger, worry and sadness.

What it is for. Our bodies often notice a feeling before our heads do. If she knows where a feeling starts in her body, she gets a little more warning, and a way to tell you, before it gets too big.

• The first step. Choose a time when nothing much is wrong. This is practice for harder days; do not reach for it in the middle of one.

When to get help. If strong feelings are lasting for several weeks, getting worse, or starting to affect sleep, eating, friendships or school, talk to her school and your GP. If what she marks or says suggests that someone has hurt her, or touched her in a way that worried her, stay calm, thank her, and do not ask her to show or tell you more. Do not promise to keep it secret. Write down her own words, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If what she marks or says suggests that she is hurting herself, or that she does not want to be alive, stay calm, thank her for telling you, and ask her gently what she means. Do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the same routes.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

The sheet that goes with it comes with a subscription: Where a feeling sits.

It goes with

• Big Feelings and Co-Regulation. For parents whose child has just had a meltdown, on how to help her through it.
• Anxiety, by Age. For parents whose child’s worry has started to make decisions for her, with what helps at each age and when to ask for help.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Emotional regulation. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Anxiety. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.