Difficult conversations

Where to start

This usually starts at school rather than at the surgery. The adults who see your child every day are the first people to tell, and often the fastest route to a change. The GP is there if it persists or deepens.

• Your child’s school. The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the quickest way to get something changed at school. Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
• Your GP. The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent. Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly. www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp
• Private therapy, if you can meet the cost. A registered counsellor or psychotherapist, found through the BACP or NCPS directories. Waiting lists are shorter than the NHS and you choose who your child sits with. When waiting is the problem, or when you want a particular kind of help. What to look for, and what to expect, is set out at theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist

For difficult conversations

• Coram Family Lives. A free, confidential helpline for any parenting or family worry, by phone, live chat, WhatsApp or email, staffed by trained family support workers. When you need to talk it through with someone, about your child or about how you are managing, and you do not need a specialist to do it. Coram Family Lives helpline 0808 800 2222 · Mon-Fri 9am-9pm; weekends 10am-3pm; closed bank holidays · Live chat and WhatsApp 07441 444125 at the same hours; email askus@coramfamilylives.org.uk · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. www.coramfamilylives.org.uk/how-we-can-help/confidential-helpline
• Action for Children Parent Talk. A free one-to-one webchat with a trained parenting coach, and a library of articles by age on behaviour, sleep, neurodiversity and family life. When you want to talk it through with someone in writing, this week, without a referral. Free one-to-one webchat with a parenting coach, Mon-Fri, with evening slots on Mon and Thu; check the site for current times · Parent Talk+ by phone or video for parents of children with additional needs, up to eight free sessions parents.actionforchildren.org.uk

If someone has died

• Child Bereavement UK (incorporating Winston’s Wish). The UK’s children’s bereavement charity, now including Winston’s Wish. A free helpline, live chat and WhatsApp, and bookable calls with a bereavement specialist, for grieving children and young people up to twenty-five and for families where a child has died. As early as you like after a death, and again later if the grief resurfaces. They will also know what exists near you. Child Bereavement UK helpline 0800 02 888 40 · Mon-Fri 8am-8pm, except bank holidays · Live chat and email via the website; WhatsApp or text 07418 341800 · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. www.childbereavementuk.org/Pages/Category/child-bereavement-uk-support-services

If a parent is seriously ill

• Macmillan Cancer Support. The clearest UK guide to telling children about a parent’s cancer, age by age, and a free daily support line with nurses on the same number. When a diagnosis has arrived and you are rehearsing how to say it. Macmillan Support Line 0808 808 00 00 · Every day 8am-8pm · Online chat at macmillan.org.uk; nurse line within the same number for clinical questions www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/diagnosis/talking-about-cancer/talking-to-children-and-teenagers

If the conversation is about sex, puberty or relationships

• Brook. The young people’s sexual health charity. Calm pages for parents on puberty, periods and talking about sex and relationships at home. When the question has arrived in the back of the car. Reading; the clinics are for young people themselves. www.brook.org.uk/parents-and-carers

If drugs or drink are the subject

• FRANK. The government’s confidential drugs advice line, open twenty-four hours, with an A to Z of drugs, a section for parents who are worried about their child, and a finder for local services. When you have found something, or heard something, and want facts before the conversation. Charged at your standard call rate, not free. FRANK 0300 123 6600 · 24 hours, every day www.talktofrank.com
• With You. Free, confidential webchat with trained recovery workers, guidance for people worried about someone else, and young people’s drug and alcohol services in many areas. When a young person’s drinking or drug use has stopped being experimental. Webchat with trained recovery workers, seven days a week www.wearewithyou.org.uk

If you are considering private therapy

Waiting lists are long. If you can meet the cost, a registered therapist can usually be seen in weeks rather than months. Both registers below are accredited by the Professional Standards Authority, which is the thing to check before anything else.

• BACP Therapist Directory. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy’s public register. Search by area, by what you are bringing, and by whether the therapist works with children. www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists
• NCPS Therapist Directory. The National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society’s register. Every therapist listed is qualified, supervised, insured, and accountable to a code of ethics. ncps.com/find-a-counsellor
• Kensington Square Therapy. Our own practice. We work with children, young people and parents, in person in London, online, and inside schools we partner with. www.kst.ltd

What to look for in a therapist, what a first session is like, and the questions worth asking before you commit, are set out at theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist

Everything else

The full directory, across every subject, is at theparentbook.com/services. If a number here has changed, please tell us at hello@theparentbook.com and we will correct it.