Bereavement

Where to start

Grief is not an illness, and most grieving children need the people around them more than any treatment. Tell the school, so the adults who see your child every day know what has happened. See the GP if, weeks on, she still cannot manage ordinary days. If she talks about hurting herself, about wanting to die, or about wanting to be with the person who has died, act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”.

• Your child’s school. The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the quickest way to get something changed at school. Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
• Your GP. The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent. Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly. www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp
• Private therapy, if you can meet the cost. A registered counsellor or psychotherapist, found through the BACP or NCPS directories. Waiting lists are shorter than the NHS and you choose who your child sits with. When waiting is the problem, or when you want a particular kind of help. What to look for, and what to expect, is set out at theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist

For bereavement

• Child Bereavement UK (incorporating Winston’s Wish). The UK’s children’s bereavement charity, now including Winston’s Wish. A free helpline, live chat and WhatsApp, and bookable calls with a bereavement specialist, for grieving children and young people up to twenty-five and for families where a child has died. As early as you like after a death, and again later if the grief resurfaces. They will also know what exists near you. Child Bereavement UK helpline 0800 02 888 40 · Mon-Fri 8am-8pm, except bank holidays · Live chat and email via the website; WhatsApp or text 07418 341800 · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. www.childbereavementuk.org/Pages/Category/child-bereavement-uk-support-services
• Grief Encounter. A children’s bereavement charity based in London, with a free weekday helpline and email, and counselling, workshops and family days from its own centres. When you want a London service that can see your child in person, or a second voice alongside Child Bereavement UK. grieftalk helpline 0808 802 0111 · Mon-Fri 9am-5pm · Email bereavementsupport@griefencounter.org.uk www.griefencounter.org.uk
• Cruse Bereavement Support. The UK’s bereavement charity, with a free helpline, local branches and staff trained in complex loss, including bereavement by suicide. When you are grieving alongside your child and need support of your own, or when the loss is one the rest of the family is finding hard to speak about. Cruse Bereavement Support National Helpline 0808 808 1677 · Mon, Wed, Thu, Fri 9.30am-5pm; Tue 1pm-8pm · Email and web form; local branches for one-to-one and group support; Hope Again (hopeagain.org.uk) for young people · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. www.cruse.org.uk/get-support/helpline
• NHS: mental health advice for parents and carers. The NHS’s pages for parents, in one place: anxiety, low mood, anger, bereavement, arguments with teenagers, exam stress, and how to talk about feelings. When you want the NHS’s own account before anyone else’s. www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/advice-for-parents

If the child who died was yours

• Child Death Helpline. A free listening line staffed by parents who have themselves lost a child, for anyone affected by the death of a child of any age. When the person who died was your child, or a grandchild or sibling, and you want to speak to someone who knows. Staffed by bereaved parents. Evening hours every day. Child Death Helpline 0800 282 986 · Mon-Fri 10am-1pm; every evening 7pm-10pm childdeathhelpline.org.uk

If the death was a pet

• Blue Cross Pet Loss Support. A free daily phone line, webchat and email for anyone grieving a pet, staffed by trained volunteers who have been through it. When a pet has died and it is your child’s first real loss. Pet Loss Support 0800 096 6606 · Every day 8.30am-8.30pm · Webchat and email via bluecross.org.uk/pet-loss; Facebook support group; trained volunteer responders who have themselves experienced pet bereavement. www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-loss-support

If a parent or close adult is seriously ill

• Macmillan Cancer Support. The clearest UK guide to telling children about a parent’s cancer, age by age, and a free daily support line with nurses on the same number. When a diagnosis has arrived and you are rehearsing how to say it. Macmillan Support Line 0808 808 00 00 · Every day 8am-8pm · Online chat at macmillan.org.uk; nurse line within the same number for clinical questions www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/diagnosis/talking-about-cancer/talking-to-children-and-teenagers

If the death was by suicide

• Cruse Bereavement Support. The UK’s bereavement charity, with a free helpline, local branches and staff trained in complex loss, including bereavement by suicide. When you are grieving alongside your child and need support of your own, or when the loss is one the rest of the family is finding hard to speak about. Cruse Bereavement Support National Helpline 0808 808 1677 · Mon, Wed, Thu, Fri 9.30am-5pm; Tue 1pm-8pm · Email and web form; local branches for one-to-one and group support; Hope Again (hopeagain.org.uk) for young people · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. www.cruse.org.uk/get-support/helpline

If you are considering private therapy

Waiting lists are long. If you can meet the cost, a registered therapist can usually be seen in weeks rather than months. Both registers below are accredited by the Professional Standards Authority, which is the thing to check before anything else.

• BACP Therapist Directory. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy’s public register. Search by area, by what you are bringing, and by whether the therapist works with children. www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists
• NCPS Therapist Directory. The National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society’s register. Every therapist listed is qualified, supervised, insured, and accountable to a code of ethics. ncps.com/find-a-counsellor
• Kensington Square Therapy. Our own practice. We work with children, young people and parents, in person in London, online, and inside schools we partner with. www.kst.ltd

What to look for in a therapist, what a first session is like, and the questions worth asking before you commit, are set out at theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist

Everything else

The full directory, across every subject, is at theparentbook.com/services. If a number here has changed, please tell us at hello@theparentbook.com and we will correct it.